Evangelist Dea Warford

My son, Nathan, recently taught me a lesson. We were discussing how I have such a propensity to use humor in every situation, even at the risk of offending people. (I have had pastors say they would not have me back to their churches because someone in their church found my humor offensive. This is the exception of course, but it’s a fact I am not proud of). Nathan said something to the affect, “When we use humor, we are trying to make ourselves feel good and feel liked. But, when we speak words of kindness and say complimentary things, we are trying to make others feel good about themselves.” I was astounded at his wisdom. In rereading his words again, it must surely seem very basic to many who are reading this. But, to me, it was like a powerful revelation.

Since grammar school, I have always been the class clown. I have been kicked out of many classrooms for my clowning antics. I love to make people laugh. I love to make people smile. But, as Nathan observed, I also loved the feeling it gave me - acceptance and popularity (or notoriety!). But, I must humbly admit, sometimes my humor hurt people. When I was just a teenager, I learned to master “put down” humor! Frankly, I think Don Rickles is hilarious. He’ll be in an auditorium, walking around, and will approach some man and woman together. He’ll ask, “Is that your wife?” When he says “yes”, Don purses his lips, slowly turning his head away as though feeling so sorry for the man! I don’t know why, but I just think that is funny! And, that is probably a flaw in my character.

I have a thick skin. It’s pretty hard to embarrass or offend me. But, not everybody is like that. Some were raised with much rejection. They were neglected by their father. They sought approval and rarely got it. They are insecure about their appearance or their abilities. If you say something to try to be funny, even in total good nature, they may take offense. I think it’s funny to tell a short woman, “You used to be a professional basketball player, didn’t you?” They always laugh. But, one time I said that to a very short man. He didn’t think it was very funny at all and gave me the dirtiest look. I felt bad and quickly got off the plane chastened. To be a short woman means you are dainty and feminine. But, to some short men, referring to their shortness means you think they’re a “runt”. This was very insensitive of me. But, I learned from it.

Quick comebacks are a necessary part of humor. If you are going to try to be a “comedian”, you have to take risks and speak quickly (timing is the key to being funny). The only problem with that is that the Bible says, “Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak”. (James 1:19). If you are slow to speak, you won’t be as funny. But, you’ll be obeying the Word! “The heart of the righteous studies how to answer” (Prov. 15:28).

Now, humor itself is not evil. It is a gift of God. It doesn’t proceed from our lower nature, because we are created “in the image of God” and God himself laughs (Psalm 2:4). But, like so many of our other God-like attributes, humor has been distorted by our fall. Thus we have humor that offends and hurts, humor that belittles and makes fun of, bathroom humor, and sexual humor. As Christians we have to “crucify the flesh” and we never do that more than when we want to say something funny, but don’t because we realize it would not be pleasing to the Lord or might offend.

Because of dealings from the Lord and the recent words of my son (who is truly growing in wisdom: YWAM changed him forever), I’ve taken a fresh stand to use less humor and say words of kindness instead that will build up and encourage people. The Word says, “that which is desired in a man is his kindness” (Prov. 19:22). In other words, people may enjoy attributes like humor in a person, but what they really like is someone who is kind. Many years ago, I was in a health food store, talking with the cashier and before I left she told me, ‘You’re so kind.” It made me feel like a million and I’ve never forgotten it. When someone does something nice for me, like a cashier or a business person on the phone, I will often also say, “You’re so kind.” I’m sure when they hang up, they feel much better than if I tried to make them laugh
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Concerning a virtuous woman, Proverbs 31:26 says, “The law of kindness is in her mouth.” Virtue is like a law to her that only allows her to speak words of kindness. We need to make kindness our law too! Ecclesiastes 10:12 says, “The words of a wise man’s mouth are gracious (not funny).” According to the dictionary, gracious means: 1. pleasantly kind, benevolent, and courteous; 2. characterized by good taste; 3. indulgent or beneficent in a pleasantly condescending way; 4. merciful or compassionate. It’s a little hard to fit humor into that list, isn’t it? People are hurting. If they need a good laugh, they can watch sitcoms. But, they certainly aren’t going to hear gracious words on most TV programs. They need us Christians to give them those words.

“Put on . . . kindness” (Col. 3:12). You choose which clothes you put on in the morning. And, you can choose to “put on” kindness too. Choose to use words today that will bring encouragement and uplift people. “The fruit of the Spirit is . . . goodness”. (Gal. 5:22 KJV). Every other translation I researched translated that Greek word “goodness” as “kindness”. Some of us by nature aren’t very kind. We can be inconsiderate, short, too frank, or use humor unwisely. It is the work of the Holy Spirit to produce the “fruit” of the Spirit in us. We can grow in kindness. I know. I have! And, the law of sowing and reaping works with acts of kindness too.

Recently, I was driving down the road and when I turned the corner, my tea container spilled. I reached over to grab it and in so doing failed to see a motorcycle parked by the curb. I clipped it as I drove by. Stopping my car, I went back to examine the damage. The front fender was scratched up and the cover was torn in a couple of places. Disgusted with myself, I went around to some nearby businesses but nobody knew who owned the bike. I taped my business card to the bike asking the owner to call me. Later that evening he did. I apologized and said I would pay for the damage and a new cover, asking him to call and let me know the amount. Several days later, I got a card from him. He said the cover was $87 and the fender repair was +/- $239. Then, he wished me happy Father’s Day and forgave the debt. Oh, how I’ve been blessed by his extraordinary kindness.

In the airport, an older women had had her hair fixed up nice. I walked over to her and said, “I like your hair”. I’m quite sure I am the only one at the airport who made that effort. I didn’t try to be funny to get her to like me. I just wanted to make her feel good about herself. Another woman had an eccentric, hyper-type personality (like mine). I watched her awhile and walked over and told her “I love your personality.” She grinned from ear to ear.

I have forgotten maybe 98% of the jokes people have told me through the years, but not their words of kindness and encouragement. I was in Jack Hayford’s office many years ago and said something denegrating about myself. He said, “Stop demeaning yourself. You are too important a person in the kingdom.” To hear a man of God like Jack tell me I was an important person in the kingdom was something I will never, ever forget. “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.” (Prov. 25:11)

Maybe you too have learned to use humor in day to day conversations. If it encourages others and makes them feel good, great! If it just makes you feel good, maybe you need to think of ways to “put on” more kindness. Make others feel good about themselves, not just “like” you. You’ll feel better too. Then, when they need spiritual help, they’ll remember you - the one who makes them feel so good about themselves. If you needed marriage advice would you counsel with comedian Don Rickles? If you needed spiritual advice, would you ask comedian Bill Mayer?

I’ll still use my sense of humor in preaching. “A teaspoon of sugar makes the medicine go down.” And, I’ll likely always joke around with people. But, I intend to keep “the law of kindness in my mouth” and begin learning to polish that skill-making people feel good about themselves instead of feeling good about my sense of humor. God gave us our sense of humor to alleviate life’s stresses. But, “Life and death are in the power of the tongue” (Prov. 18:21). So, choose to be a life-giver. Speak words of kindness today!